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Friday, November 14, 2008

MARRIAGE




I am sitting in a rare creative mood today, planning to spruce up my blog. I am not sure what to write on, a myriad ensemble of topics is crowding my head, but if I plan to de-clutter, the one thing that stands out is “MARRIAGE”. I do not know why, but I have always felt that marriage is the one significant step any person takes consciously. One has no hand in one’s own birth or death (unless it is euthanasia), or probably of one’s child’s birth (in most cases it is not so well planned, and could be an accident), but marriage is one thing everybody has plans and dreams of, good bad or ugly.

Marriage is made very much on earth, by people who could make mistakes and grave mistakes that too. However, I have always felt every marriage can be worked upon if both man and wife wish. If both see a small hint of separation at the corner of their eye, every time they have a fight, believe me, the lawyer would be laughing all the way to the bank.

World over, different cultures view or rather permit marriages differently. Marriage could be an orthodox institution, more to bear children and keep continuity, it could be a great friendship, it could absolutely open like room mates sharing the same roof or somewhere in between all this. I think the successful ones are those who clearly understand where they stand (both partners included) and where they want to take it. If Ramesh and Vandana want an open marriage and have one, at the end of the day, they had a great marriage. If both can put a finger on their hearts and say, nothing better could have happened to them, that’s it!!!

A great marriage simply means, both have been good to what they have committed themselves to (Great friends, roommates, soul mates or whatever.) I do not mean here the Vedic chants one goes through ritually without even the priest himself understanding a word of it. It’s probably at the autumn of your life when you look back and see what a magnificent journey it’s been holding each others hand, when you realize that nothing better could have happened.

I see and understand that our country is in the throes of a transition where a hundred million people are exposed to various cultures of the world partially, which they try to lap up. In most cases, different aspirations from life lead to both partners seeing the prism differently and that’s where the first crack appears. It is very important to be able to impartially sense the first crack and glue it (if both want to, or if both want the crack to widen it is a different story). Ours is a generation much the like the Beatles where the previous one has had the benefit of a stable family infrastructure and the new one upcoming is talking of concepts absolutely new to mankind. We should tread as much we think we can. Most of us do not live with joint families nor have a long distance relationship. It’s some where in between, mostly a nuclear nest that one has sown oneself. It’s always a great feeling of the man and wife buying the groceries together for the first time, saving up money to buy the refrigerator. Over time, it is this small brick by brick setting up one’s combined life, yet retaining that small piece of individuality which makes the relationship fonder and lasting.

I am not a marriage counselor although it I think it must be great being one, stitching back hope in people’s lives where there is none. I do not want to sound too philosophical and quote clich├ęd sentences , but at the end of the day, do things which both enjoy and live life …there is nothing else which can make a marriage. Walk down the beach, cook a meal together, read out a book, glance through old photographs, do things your heart says….and you will go to bed being a contended man. It’s much more than what a six figure bonus or that trip to some funky corner of the globe will give you. It’s a high you can live every single day of your life and enjoy it….truly!!!

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